


The Pain of Loss

by BlueBoxDetective



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s11e07 Kerblam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 03:11:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17296643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueBoxDetective/pseuds/BlueBoxDetective
Summary: Yaz has difficulties coping with the events of Kerblam. The Doctor tries to make her feel better.





	The Pain of Loss

**Author's Note:**

> I am not native to English and do want to apologize for any mistakes I have made. Happy to hear your suggestions and opinions about the story :)
> 
> Doctor Who is a trademark of the BBC, all rights reserved. My story is only shared for the enjoyment of others and is not intended to get myself any advantages or to create the feeling that the characters are my own.
> 
> Takes place after 11x07 Kerblam!

The events of Kerblam had really taken a toll on Yaz. It had already been a couple of days, but she couldn't forget what had happened to Dan. She was visibly sad and quiet, not in the mood for any activities. Even though she tried her best around the other three, her smiles could never quite reach her eyes and she always seemed to be tired. She spent most of her time in her room, sitting in silence and staring at the walls. But the nights were worse.

She had woken up, panting. Her heart was racing and she was staring into the darkness of her room in the Tardis. Her hands clung to the cloth of her covers. Panicking she looked around her room, her breath shallow since she tried to avoid making any noise. As she heard steps outside her door she pulled her blanket higher, suddenly noticing that she was shaking. There was a quiet knock on the door and it opened.  
“Yaz?” Whispered the soft voice of the Doctor into the darkness. “Are you awake? I heard your scream.”  
Slowly Yaz freed the blanket from her desperate grip and turned on a small light on her nightstand. Both women blinked, irritated from the slight brightness.  
“Can I come in?” Asked the Doctor gently, concern written over her face.  
Yaz only managed to nod.  
The Doctor closed the door behind her and walked over to Yaz's bed. It didn't look like she had been asleep, she was still in her normal clothes. It was likely that the woman had spent her time tinkering with the Tardis or in the library. Carelessly she kicked her boots of her feet and sat down onto the bed by Yaz's feet, cross-legged. “Nightmares again?”  
The brunette nodded her head again, looking at the Doctor with her eyes wide open, her forehead shimmering with a fine film of sweat.  
“I'm sorry Yaz,” murmured the Doctor silently. Carefully she took Yaz's hand that was still clinging to her blanket and held it in between both her own, squeezing it gently. “Hold my hand. You're going to be fine.” Even though Yaz apparently still wasn't able to speak, the tension in her shoulders decreased a little bit. Some seconds ticked by that they sat together in silence.  
A single tear fell from Yaz's left eye, slowly rolling down her cheek. With a light brush of her thumb the time lady wept it away. Sounding helpless she added: “Is there anything I can do for you?”  
In a broken voice Yaz replied: “I could just use a hug, if that's okay?”  
Without hesitation the Doctor moved closer and pulled the shivering woman into her arms, allowing her to let herself lean against the chest of the time lady and just rest in her arms. After a few seconds the expression on her face became less anxious and the shaking slowed down. On her own she put her arms around the Doctors middle, taking in the warmth of the woman holding her close. Affectionately the blonde pulled the covers over Yaz, tucking her in. Gently she rocked her back and forth. Yaz looked truly broken, but she allowed herself to show how affected she was by the events for once. For a while they just stayed like this, sharing the moment in silence and following their own thoughts. Eventually Yaz's heartbeat started to slow down and her breathing became more regular.  
Her stomach rumbled into the silence, since Yaz hadn't eaten regularly over the past few days. She simply hadn't felt her hunger anymore.  
“You need to eat something,” the Doctor commented, gently freeing herself from Yaz's arms.  
With panic in her voice the brunette called out: “Please, don't leave me alone!”  
The unexpected tone in Yaz's voice made the Doctor stop her movement immediately. “I'm not. I'll get you something to eat and I'll be right back,” she promised.  
“I don't want to eat,” Yaz muttered under her breath, but the Doctor wasn't impressed: “That's not debatable. But I'll hurry, okay? I promise I will be back as quickly as possible.”  
Yaz nodded weakly and the Doctor jumped from her bed.

Within record time the blonde was back, balancing two plates and a cup of hot chocolate. She put everything down on the nightstand, presenting Yaz a cheese sandwich, bread with jelly, different kinds of cookies (but mostly custard creams), sliced apple and some strawberries. Even though Yaz still felt awful the corners of her mouth raised a bit at the sight of the Doctors efforts. The blonde climbed back into bed with her and held one of the plates in front of her, waiting until Yaz had finally picked up an apple slice. First she only nibbled on her food, but after a couple of bites she realized how hungry she was and started eating. The Doctor, more than happy to actually see Yaz eating, smiled warmly.  
When Yaz was full the Doctor gave her her cup of hot chocolate and together they sat unter the blanket.   
“You know,” Yaz began, slowly and still thinking while talking, “I just felt like I would never be able to cope with what happened. Loosing people, failing, feeling sick when thinking about it. But then I look at you, and you are beaming with energy and happiness even though you have seen so much more. I admire that about you. Just wanted you to know.”  
The Doctor smiled and absent mindedly patted her leg. “That's nice of you. But just so you know, I did and do feel like you right now. Only thing I can promise you is that you will be able to save more than you loose. Not that it makes to people we loose less important or less hurtful, but it reminds me of why it is important.” Softly she smiled at Yaz, and the brunette returned it. Exhausted Yaz yawned and stretched, the Doctor quickly took a look at the clock. “It is nearly morning. Do you want to sleep a little bit?”  
Yaz shook her head. She opened her mouth and closed it again.  
“What's on your mind?” asked the Doctor, still smiling at her.  
With her big, brown eyes, Yaz looked at the woman next to her, apparently thinking.  
“Just tell me, I wont bite,” the time lady promised jokingly and Yaz had to smile.  
“Actually... I was wondering if... if it's fine with you, if we could just stay up talking. Like this?”  
“Sure!” the Doctor cheered, “Pleasant for me, too, don't you worry. I like spending my time with you and I'll do everything I can to make you feel better.”  
“You already did, thank you Doctor.” Yaz smiled at her and gently patted the hand that was still laying on her leg. The Doctors eyes shimmered with joy as she took the hand into her own.


End file.
